Saturday, April 15, 2006


Not only do kids say the darnedest things, but they also sometimes say the greatest things. This post is more about those darnedest things.

Example 1 was just moments ago. The boys are eating lunch, peanut butter and orange marmalade sandwiches. Big Brother eats his sandwiches in layers, peeling off the top slice of bread to eat first, then proceeding down through whatever toppings there are. With the pbj, there are no layers of course, so he eats it jelly side first then peanut butter side. I'm a little anal, so the peanut butter has to go on the bottom slice of bread.

Big Brother opened his sandwich and asked if that was honey on the bread. We've eaten a fair amount of pb and honey sandwiches lately because I've been lazy about scraping the multiplying jelly jars. I told him no, that it was orange marmalade, to which he replied with a shout, "OH YES!"

The Boy's humorous utterances lately are all the fault of Thomas the Tank Engine books. We haven't even read the books much lately and haven't had to watch videos several times a day lately either. The track pieces have been put away for some time, though put away just means in a clothes basket off to the side. A few of the engines are always floating about.

Lately, The Boy has been speaking as if life were all one big Thomas book. I asked him one day recently if he was okay, just randomly checking his well being. Me: "How are you doing?" The Boy: "Fine, said Thomas." Earlier today I asked him if he wanted a treat, and he answered, "Yes, said Cranky."

And now to add the freshest, even fewer moments ago. The boys are currently behind me trying to do handstands. Big Brother has been working at this for some time. The Boy wasn't doing well, so Big Brother gave him this advice, "You have to throw your hindquarters in the air."

If you read this and have kids, even if you never comment or seldom comment, you are now required to comment and leave a humorous phrase your child has uttered. Get to it now! All kids say funny things.

the neighbor kid

Our neighbors across the street are a seemingly nice family. I've never had any issue with them or their kids. Their dog is a little noisy and freakish, but that's a dog for you.

The kids, a boy and a girl, are older than my kids. I'd guess that they are probably both in the 12 to 15 range. I'm also not good at guessing ages, but I know neither of them drive yet.

So back to the neighbor kid, the boy, who I'd put at about 12 or 13 years old. He's getting his workout in for the day apparently. He's holding two small hand sized dumb bells above his head and running up and down the street.

I know it's only slightly humorous, and I certainly shouldn't make fun of the kid, even if he looks funny. Mostly it just looks really awkward. It looks like an exercise that someone made up so that he'd look funny as he ran.


Earlier tonight I began writing but got stuck when I tried to use the apostrophe. Each time I pressed the key I got some sort of search bar appearing at the bottom of the screen. I didn't take the time to check it out and figure out what it was. I did check around the Blogger help menu, and I didn't find anything about it. I ended up closing window I think, and I never figured out what the problem was. I'm certain that whatever it was it's now gone. And considering the damn thing now works, I'm quite certain I might never know.

I'm sure whatever I was writing was a rant. Honestly, some days I can start any number of posts that don't end up being finished. I generally start an early proofread and realize that I'm off by a few degrees or am sounding like a jackass.

Don't be fooled here. I'm not at all afraid to sound like a jackass. I'm seriously okay with it. I would however like to at least seem as though I have a clue what I'm talking about. Sometimes I write shit that is actually too twisted and ranty even for me.

And all this now is because of that damn apostrophe. Oh how I now hate it. I can't help but expect the same treatment each time I need to indicate either possessive tense or a contraction, so I'm a little gunshy with my punctuation. And it's not so easy to not use the apostrophe, and you can believe that I spent a good minute and change thinking of ways to rewrite things so as not to need them. And try typing apostrophe a few times. That's about to send me straight into the beer.

But, I got a damn blog out of it. I've created more guilt for myself because I'm so dry and devoid of ideas that I made an entire post of the most ridiculous of topics. I've made a mole hill out of an ant fart. But I've done something.