Here begins attempt number two to get my thoughts in order, to express the feelings swirling in my head right now.
If, like my other reader, you don't live under a rock, you probably know that Rick Warren has been invited to give the invocation during Obama's inauguration. If you know this, then you probably also know that, according to Warren, as a gay man, I am no better than a pedophile.
I'm not linking to all the sources I could. As a blogger I probably should, but as a blog reader you can very easily google that shit and find it. It's been covered by plenty of other people by now. I'm just not bothering.
I'm angry and I'm hurt and I'm sad. I've dealt with hurt and sad so much lately that it all turns back into anger, and I end up back where I started.
If you've been reading here then you know the story, you know the years I've spent denying myself that tiny bit of freedom that being gay is. I hid my truth for years, hid from you, from me, from my wife, from my friends. I finally gave myself that little bit of an opening and came out. It has caused hurt and sadness and anger. It has forced my life to change, and working through that change is yet more hurt and sadness and anger. And really it's all just one gay man's attempt to try to work toward making his/my life what it's supposed to be. It's just me trying like hell to find my way in this world.
And even when I think maybe I'm done, maybe I'm on my way to a better place, it feels like getting slapped in the face. I voted for Obama, and now he is willing to have a religious rite performed during his civil celebration by a man who compares my very existence as a gay man to being a pedophile.
Really, all the response I have right now is a middle finger and a "fuck you" to both Obama and Warren. I feel like I've been played. I feel like, once again, gay people are only worth what you are willing to take from us. Vote? sure you'll take that if it gets you where you want. Equality? Acceptance? Basic civility? Respect? Is it really so much to ask?