Thursday, October 26, 2006

marriage, the gays are good for all of us

As much as the recent ruling in New Jersey concerning gay marriage seems like a promising little candle in the dark, I'm afraid of what the ruling may reap in other elections around the country. We live in sadly backward times that seem like the worst of our history is coming back to haunt us all too often. How will NJ affect my own state that is sadly a little less liberal than some. Both our Senatorial candidates are against gay equality.

But for now, I want to look at this ruling as possibly being a good thing. Beyond what it can hopefully do for gay equality, what it can do for us all is possibly more hopeful. We can't force churches and religions to accept certain standards of morality and acceptance, so what we have to do in regards to religion is to take marriage away from them. They are corrupting the idea as much as (if not more than) anyone else.

My wife and I are atheists. We were married in a Methodist church by her grandmother's minister at that church. This wasn't a man we met for any longer than it took to get the "counseling" and then get married. He was a nice enough guy for what it's worth, and we certainly mean no harm to his belief system, but the whole point of it for us was the legal aspect. We were newly pregnant and rearranging out life to prepare for this event.

As an aside, pulling out is not birth control. This is a statement I make quite often to the people around me, many of whom may not know this fact. I make it as the chance arises because I feel it needs to be known. Birth control is easy to come by and functions quite well for the most part. Pulling out is not effective as a birth control option. Tell one person this news this week, preferably someone young.

Now, back to the marryin' that was the point in the first place.

We were married in a christian ceremony for the benefit of our families. We both come from extremely different backgrounds. She was raised Methodist, while I was raised Baptist. Neither of us cared at all about the actual ceremony other than that it was a nice thing to have, and given more choice in the matter, we would very likely have held a wedding of our own design. I can only imagine how that would have turned out, but with pending baby to think of, we couldn't really party that hearty anyway.

So, I'm committed to remain married by having sworn to a god that I don't believe in, or as I see it, my wife and I, in addition to having created children together, have agreed to a certain relationship with each other. We signed some legal documents at the City Hall at the Mall office where we also get our driver's licenses renewed and can pay city taxes. Momma took my last name, so we had to visit the federal building to get her name changed on her social security card.

So, I've told you a little about my wedding. That in no way tells you anything about my marriage. There's this certain relationship I have with my wife that I don't share with anyone else. It has nothing to do with legal or church business. The church part of this relationship began and ended at the ceremony, and Momma was pregnant and wore white. She was pregnant enough that those of us who knew were sure it showed a little. Her grandmother wasn't happy when she heard sometime later, but what can you do? She was happy enough at the ceremony.

All this begs the question, what the hell does the religious aspect of marriage have to do with shit? And why don't they just leave gay people alone already? Why do christians still give a shit that, if I wanted, I could go 69 on a dude all night and still get up in the morning and do my job and love America? And maybe I have a really sweet job, and that dude and I have a very deep and committed relationship, and we also have a child. Perhaps my employer would like to provide insurance for my family like he does for Johnson's family in the next cubicle over. Johnson, a deacon and choir director, married a girl and they have kids too, meaning that they also have sex. Johnson and I both love our respective spouses very deeply and want to provide for them and our children as best we can. But Johnson isn't doing a dude in the pooper, so his family is valid, while mine is not? Because that's what it comes down to. That's the only difference. If you found that Johnson's wife liked a little anal once in a while, would you condemn them?