Tuesday, September 30, 2008

it isn't really early

I may be expert in little else, but I'm at least pretty darn good at explaining away why I don't post more often. I was so regular a blogger at one point. I had decent stats (decent enough for me) and the occasional comment. Life was good in the world of my own little corner of blogland.

Then things got crazy. Momma did some things and I came out and then there was the depression and then the sun came out and reminded me that life, like a mountain range, is not a series of peak so much as it is a bunch of wrinkles with peaks and valleys, hills, dales and hollers even.

I should tell you about the boyfriend, though the new why-I-don't-post-more excuse is a little about him. He knows about the blog and has read some of it, but all of what he's seen was really before his arrival on the scene, and though he knows, I haven't really discussed it with him. I haven't talked about how he's going to figure in the blog. He's going to have to.

He wasted no time in becoming a huge part of my life, and I wasted no time in falling madly for him. He has tattoos and piercings and ear holes much bigger than mine. He's slightly younger and has been out since high school. My children adore him. If all his coolness hadn't won me over, then I was certainly done when he went to the fair with us and rode kiddy rides with me and The Boy. Or maybe I was hooked the first time I saw him laying in the floor with Big Brother and The Boy building with Legos.

So there he is, though that doesn't come close to describing him. And now I need a name, something to maintain that air of privacy that I've taken pains not to bother that much with. Yes, I do know how easy it is to figure out who I am, but I can still pretend some amount of anonymity. To further reduce any chances of remaining anonymous I may just post a picture, though the pictures of him and me are all really gay to be honest.

And finally, let's not forget Momma. She loves my boyfriend too which really helps. She's seeing someone as well, but he keeps being busy with some sort of schooling/test thing. He needs to take the damn test already, but that's not really even a little my business. He seems cool enough, though I haven't really hung out with him that much. I did think briefly about giving him the typical guy speech wherein I threaten his well being with violence should he ever be anything but the absolute most wonderful person to Momma, but that's a little redneck for me, so I'll probably not.

This is possibly slightly more update than the last time I didn't update, but it also isn't.
She served me up a softball, threw me the easiest of bones, and I failed for over ten days to craft my response. Sadly, I've failed to blog often enough that I may actually be forgetting how to type. My WPM is lower than frog balls.

First we thanks Molly for the meme tag, because even though I sat on it for over a week, I am using the post fodder she gave me. I'm going to answer the questions, though I won't post or follow the rules. It doesn't seem right to tag others when I've been so lax in posting myself.

So on with the questions. I'm given the option of changing any quesions I want, but along with not posting or following the rules I'm going to not give myself the option of making it easier for me.

1. How many songs are on your ipod?
I don't have an ipod, but I do use itunes when I listen to music using my computer, and for me that's close enough. I'd love an ipod, but I'm not yet willing to pay for one myself. Since I do have isomething I'll admit that I have 1072 songs in itunes, and that translates to 2.4 days of music. That's somehow different though mostly the same.

2. What music would you want played at your funeral?
I don't know. I'd much prefer that the people at my funeral after party would listen to music that helped them remember good things about me, but more importantly for my funeral is the full body bong I want my funeral attendees to be sucking at.

Full body bong equals having a pothead taxidermist make my body into a bong. Believe me, I've thought of this, and here's the proof. You will hit me (suck the intoxicating smoke) through my mouth. The head of my erect penis will be the bowl (the place you put the pot.) The carb (the part that, when released, allows outside air to force the intoxicating fumes into your ready face) will be my butthole, properly sealed with your thumb until you are ready to inhale the sweet reefer.

I really do want the full body bong to happen. I've dreamed and schemed of this for many years. Please promise that you will smoke weed through me if you are able. Also please wait till I'm dead.

3. What magazines do you have subscriptions to?
At one time Popular Science, National Geographic, but sadly I believe we've let them run out. There were more at one time, but the other ones were allowed to run out. I don't even remember anymore, and that seems sad. We really did used to get a couple of good magazines.

4. What is your favorite scent?
There are a few. Roasting meat and vanilla are a couple of food based scents. There's a certain combination of cow, landfill and wastewater treatment that smells like the place I grew up. There's a certain musky something that guys' balls get that drives me crazy. But perhaps my favorite scent is old books and old pages.

5. If you had a million dollars that you could only spend on yourself what would you do?
I'd buy myself a car and a restaurant and then I'd travel somewhere with my favorite boys. I'd buy up a bunch of cd's I've wanted as well and probably a new pair of black leather Converse.

6. What is your theme song?

7. Do you trust easily?
I do, and I get fucked over pretty easily. I also have great things happen pretty easily when I can stop not trusting long enough to get fucked over. It's a fine line between gullible and cynical with more good than not when it happens.

8. Do you generally act before you think or think before you act?
I feel as if I'm doomed to act first and think/question later, but I'm also more than likely to put way too much thought into anything I stumble across.

9. Is there anything that has made you unhappy these days?
Smallish petty things are messing with me differently these day. Not seeing a certain cute boy is not fun. My job isn't the worst thing I've dealt with even when it seems like it. I could make lists of how not bad it is or how bad it isn't, but it still isn't and is respectively.

10. Do you have a good body image?
I'm realizing lately that I just might have a body image. I don't know how much that concept has really occurred to me in the past. I think I'm okay, but my problem isn't my body so much as it is that I just don't do shit to be more healthy. Maybe I do have a skewed body image.

11. Is being tagged fun?
It really is. It's proof that at least one person you sort of know thinks you suck at least a little less than you feel you do.

12. How do you spend your social networking (i.e. Facebook, etc.) time?
My Myspace account is basically for anyone who knows me and is a place I'm out. I usually just skim a couple of bulletins, maybe check out some bands, try to keep in touch with friends who aren't as close as I'd like.

Facebook is a place where I'm not yet out and is filled with family (with whom I'm also not out) a couple of blog friends and lately lots of old friends from the christian school at which I spent my younger years.

13. What have you been seriously addicted to lately?
There are no new addictions to speak of, though I've been on a bit of an energy drink bender if a bit of a tiny bender. It's all because I've suddenly not gotten as much sleep as I was, and when you consider how little sleep I get anyway. I don't generally like the nasty flavor of energy drinks, so it was nice to see that they are being made in coffee like flavors. So far, Monster Java is my favorite with Rockstar being the least.

14. What kind of person do you think the person who tagged you is?
Molly? She makes pretty babies, and she writes. She talks about red wine once in a while, though I'm personally a beer and tequila type. I'm sure she's funny and often self deprecating. She seems like an all 'round swell gal, and I'm never wrong about this sort of thing. Never!

15. What was the last song that got stuck in your head?
Right now there's a snippet of bluegrass, but I can't remember enough of the song to call it stuck in my head. Webb Peirce's Slowly and/or Wondering are the two that get stuck in my head most often lately.

16. What are your favorite items of clothing?
Probably my jeans because they are so comfortable. As it's beginning to be cooler, especially at night, I can wear another favorite, an Old Navy fleece jacket, mostly black with gray shoulders and gray stripes down the sleeves. The gray and black are separated by a bit of white something I don't know the name of. They aren't clothes as such, but I have a new to me pair of ear rings that I "stole" from the boyfriend. They are bigger than my old earrings increasing my ear hole size up a gauge to four and reminding me that, once upon a time, I was going to stretch the bastards. That was the original plan, but I fell in love with a pair of six gauge captive ball hoops and couldn't stand to part with them. I recently remembered the stretching and decided it was time.

17. Do you think Rice Krispies are yummy?
I must say that I don't. They may be second only to puffed wheat in terms of unpleasant cereals. I might pick them over Fruity Pebbles or anything with those dried up little marshmallow turds, but that doesn't really say much for the Rice Krispies.

18. What would you do if you saw $100 lying on the ground?
Maybe buy some weed, but certainly I'd buy some nice beer for the house, and most importantly I'd do something nice for or with the boyfriend.

19. What items could you not go without during the day?
I'm trying like hell not to answer this question with cigarettes, but that may be the single thing I really "can't" do without. The sweet answer involves my phone and texts from a certain cute boy I know, but his phone was off for a couple days, and the one way texts from me didn't kill me, so, though I'd prefer not, I suppose I can live without.

20. What should you be doing right now?
I've got my coffee, and there's a load of pants in the washing machine. Momma is at work and all my favorite boys are sleeping. There's not much I should be doing that I'm not right now. Oh, sure, I could be making breakfast to surprise all those favorite boys, or I could be cleaning something around the house. I could go so far as to . . . no . . . I'm doing what I should at the moment.

Because Molly ended her meme post with a video I feel it's only fair that I do the same. The problem here is that I'm just not sure what or who. The only band/song that really comes to mind is Los Straitjackets' Tempest. I hope you like rockabilly and luchador masks, 'cuz they are the shit, and so is this.

Friday, September 12, 2008

more or less still not an update

This is so the wrong time to try to write a blog post, mostly because I'm supposed to be getting ready for work, but it's been an entire week since the last time I didn't really give you an update, so I'm using this wrong time to attempt to not not do so again. Also, I have to wait for a chef's coat to dry, and I can't do shit till then anyway.

I'm not looking at the calendar or doing the math in my head, so I will have to be vague with the timeline. I met a really cool guy between three and four weeks ago. A mutual friend had invited Momma and me and the boys to her house for a wee bit of a party. She also invited the cool guy to whom I've referred.

We seemed to hit it off pretty much immediately, though it may have actually taken a couple more minutes than that. I ended the night at his apartment (up the hill from the friend's party in the same apartment complex) to enjoy a certain combustible intoxicant. As I left, he walked me to the outside door of the building for an awkward moment of are we going to hug and kiss or just hug or just hit our heads together trying to make sense.

Fast forward a week from that night, the cute boy and I have at this time spent nearly every night hanging out together. There's some certain something that neither of us can deny or avoid, and he points this out and asks if I'd like to be his boyfriend.

Thankfully there wasn't a lot of traffic as we were driving when he asked this. Momma, at the time, felt as if things were moving a little quickly. I quite agreed, to an extent, but I tried to help her understand that it wasn't a bad quickly. It does indeed seem quick, but there's that undeniable and also unexplainable something.

Since then we've hung out nearly every night. He lays in the floor with my kids and builds Lego cities. They sprawl on the sofa and watch cartoons. He went to the fair with us, and while Momma and Big Brother wandered toward some of the bigger rides, he hung out with The Boy and me and even rode some of the kiddie rides with us. He even took me and the boys out to dinner last night for a late birthday dinner for me. Even Momma likes him and enjoys hanging out with him.

Oh, and he's given me flowers on two different occasions, though one of those occasions the flowers were perhaps not legally attained.

Momma has also very recently befriended a cute boy of her own. My own cute boyfriend and I have discussed him briefly and have decided that he is okay. We'll see where that goes and hope for the best.

Now you know the newest reason I'm having trouble getting to the computer. As more proof of the little time I have lately my unread Google reader items are now approaching the five hundred mark which for me is nearly twice the old record. I keep trying to check in, and I certainly miss all the blogs I love. Perhaps soon the whirlwind will slow down a tiny bit, and I can get back to some of the old drudge I miss.

Friday, September 05, 2008

more not not an update

It hasn't been that long that I actually had Blogger open and looked at how long it had been since I'd posted. I found myself posting so sporadically, and I felt as if each post was at least slightly whinier than the previous post, and I think I subconsciously forced myself to quit posting for a while.

Things have gotten better for me in general, and I'm once more gaining some sense of life not having some sort of grudge against me. The universe doesn't hate me any more than it hates anyone else. Life has a way of doing stuff, and sometimes that stuff is better than other times. Sometimes it matters what you do, while other times it doesn't. The ol' weltschmerz just aint what she used to be.

At the same time, just as I seem to have found something, Momma finds herself thinking about things she hadn't considered quite as she suddenly is. It's all really more than I'll get into at the moment, but it does add fuel to whatever is going on, adding to the weirdness that our family has become lately. It's a good weird, and we are working to maintain good weirdness given that some amount of weird is inherent in our situation.

And now I've got supper cooking. Momma made a roast with the requisite vegetables. I in turn have taken those leftovers and am turning them into beef stew. It's bubbling away happily and I'm returning to a blog post I actually began yesterday. It still says what I'm willing to give away right now, and that's fine.

I'm sure I've claimed numerous times lately that I was going to attend to this blog more often than has been my habit lately. It's something I really miss, but as I've said, I was at a point where the blog was the last thing I needed bothering me.

The road to some bad place is paved with the very best intentions as we all well know, so any claims toward more blogging should be taken with the very best grain of the very coarsest of sea salts.