Sunday, February 01, 2009

broken gaydar

Have I mentioned my faulty gayday? I know I have because my lost post, mere moments ago, mentioned a particular cute blond boy that I'm so unsure about and may almost have a crush on.

He really is absolutely adorable, and I'm certain I mentioned that in the last post, so there's no use going into it here.

The sad truth is that I think that most gay people have some sort of sense that we call gaydar that helps them find others. I'm certain I got the lemon gaydar because it doesn't quite work.

It could be part of my late coming out. Maybe because I went so long without using it it got rusty or just never got the online updates. I'm not sure. I'm not saying it never works, but it never works in a way that has any benefit at all for me.

At this point I'm actually certain my gaydar is so faulty as to have caused me to miss out on actual gays around me. Instead what I get is crushes on straight boys who act in such a way as to cause the gaydar to give me the early alert, the possibly gay signal.

Maybe through active use and through getting out and around other gays I can scrape the barnacles off of mine, and maybe I can learn how to use it enough so that eventually it becomes useful. I really don't know, and I'm not even sure that's possible. Maybe I just really did end up with the lemon gaydar. That would totally suck, because even with the gay agenda handbook I'm not finding any repair shops for gaydar. I'm just going to have to learn to live without it I guess.

not really trying

What an interesting week I've had. And no I'm not going into details. Nothing really great happened, no love life type shit, not reaching plateaus of understanding or self betterment. I didn't land a cherry new job with great pay and benefits or win the powerball.

What did I do? I worked and hung out at the bar. My day off was spent, at least three hours of it, training to be the interim pizza fairy when the full time pizza fairy is in St. Thomas for a month, the bitch.

I got laid, about which we'll agree not to talk, but honestly, there's nothing to discuss there, and all I really got from it is some sore thighs. You don't want to know.

Also, I ended up at a late night, after hours party from which my friend's boyfriend was asked to leave. I did the guy thing where I insert myself between two factions who may or may not insist on the situation ending poorly. I didn't expect a fight, but when you been a drinkin' . . .

Also, however briefly, I did have pleasant words with the absolutely adorable blond boy I keep happening to see. I'm not especially taken with blonds or with long hair, and he has both. And he is, as mentioned, absolutely adorable. I have no idea if he is gay because my gaydar is faulty, but I think I might get a bit of a feeling, but I also realize my penchant for having crushes on straight boys, so there's an even better chance that he is not gay than that he is.

I made a small amount of pot last longer than is natural or normal, but given my economic situation, and given that I have not been getting pot lately, I'm not at all surprised that I could make such a little bit drag out for such a long bit. I'm saving the last barely any for after the boys are in bed later tonight.

Also, I'm debating the invite from a friend to join her and possibly (oddly enough) some lesbians for an L Word viewing party tonight. I'll have to lock the boys in the back room apparently because of the sex scenes, and perhaps I'll lock myself up back there as well. Who really wants to see a couple of chicks going at it? Ugh! Actually, if I go, and there is a fair chance, the boys will probably be happy to mostly stay in the back room and play. I'll make sure they take some toys and/or a book, maybe some drawing type stuff. I'll hang with my lady fags and watch their stories with them.

And sadly, that's what it takes to get me to post anymore, random shitty update about my lack of life. So what have you been up to?