Monday, May 28, 2007

bit o' Momma

UPDATED POST! No more interesting than last time, but it's easily more accurate.

Housewife probably hates me now, and she seems to think I haven't donated enough blog space to my lovely wife. In addition to being hotter than should be legal, she's also a damn fine sushi chef, a great mother and easily one of the fastest jammers you should be so lucky to see. I mean it when I tell you about HKRG bouts and tell you to come to my town and see.

This picture, found after many agonizing minutes of searching for just the right one, is indicative of how good a jammer Momma is. Notice a few things about this picture. Momma, in black with the skull face, is beating the girl in red. She is in front of this particular player who is a perfect example of what it takes to take down my wife. Notice that the red clad skater is not only hitting Momma in the back but that neither of her skates are on the ground. Both the back block and the leap are very much illegal, but when Momma has outskated you and dodged your best blocks and lapped your jammer a few times, you might find that you are willing to kick the rules out of the building.

The next picture features not only Momma but HKRG's own Barbara Bushwhacker. This picture should not be assumed to show anything but that Momma often doesn't wait around for you to actually hit her. This picture is from an intra league bout, Momma's team Machine Gun Kellys versus Bushwhacker's Lolitas Locas, the team that went on to win the HKRG championship last year. Barbara Bushwhacker is a hell of a player and is, with Momma, one of HKRG All Stars, the team picked to play against other leagues.

Notice Bushwhacker on the ground as Momma assures her of not getting the hit. Good for Momma as Bush hits hard, and if she'd timed it a wee bit better, this picture would look a bit different. But it doesn't look different and shows why most blockers would be better off just letting the Skull past. You might get a hit, but you might just hit air before you hit the floor.

Updated, because like a dumb ass, I mislabeled the photos. The Lolitas Locas that is almost taking Momma out is not Sushi Roll but Barbara Bushwhacker. She too is one of the league's all stars, and I hope she's healed and back on skates in time for Birmingham.

And I can't stress enough that this picture doesn't do any justice to the blocking of Barbara Bushwhacker in any way, nor would it have demeaned Sushi Roll's ability. They are damn fine blockers, which helps explain why their team are the current HKRG champions. Of course, the 2007 season is not that far away, and I know for a fact that the Kellys are sort of eying that trophy.

Finally, thanks to yet another Lolita and HKRG all star, Karma Krash, for noticing my error and allowing me to stop looking like a dingus.

abrasive nail biting

First I must tell you that this is not the recap post about last night's derby bout featuring our Hard Knox Rollergirls All Stars versus Nashville's Rhythm and Bruisers. It's the fault of the after party and the after after party that are causing my brain to not want to switch into writer mode.

Instead I'll give you pictures of wounds. Mine isn't really a wound, and I'll admit that. I did show it off a little to prove that something or other which makes me cool. Beyond not being a wound, my wee widdle thumb isn't really even hurt. The part of my nervousness that wasn't busy making me need to pee made me bite my nails down a little farther than I might wish. I do indeed bite the ever lovin' shit out of my nails watching derby.

I don't want to suggest that Momma's skin abrasions aren't wounds, and she admitted herself that they were more unpleasant than painful, though they certainly look painful enough. This is what happens to Momma when she wears fishnets to the bout. I did crop the pictures so that they were of wounds and not her sexy ass.

As mentioned, this isn't about the bout. As the day progresses and I get more coffee in me and the Goody's Powders kills the headache, I'll feel a little brighter, the gray matter will start sparking again, and I will write a post that will take you right to our little rink. But you'll have to wait a bit.