First I should point out that none of what I assume about this couple can be proven without talking to them, and I'm far happier making assumptions than getting to the truth.
Second, we do in fact refer to them as the "bathroom fuckers." And, keeping point one in mind, this might be totally inaccurate.
There is a couple that visits the place I work. They came in regularly for a while before taking a break, but we've been seeing them again. They always ordered the same sandwich that they want ready at a certain time. They meet in the very back dining area, the one that's essentially in the kitchen, at the farthest table from the front.
My guess is that they are cheating on their spouses with each other. I can't prove it, but there's a certain something about them that gives them that air. Do I suspect cheating because I've developed a sense, an ability to recognize it? Or am I just an ass that likes to assume the worst.
After several months in which we didn't see them we nearly forgot about them. Sure, occasionally someone would remember or mention them. Perhaps they'd be the butt of some joke or the topic of a "remember when" sort of conversation. Restaurants change rapidly on the inside, and something that you've grown so used to that you completely take it for granted can disappear and be forgotten in a moment.
This couple, while ordering and sharing the same sandwich each visit, doesn't want it split and put on separate plates. According a to one server the separate plate thing was tried, but the bathroom fuckers put the sandwich back onto one plate and disregarded the attempted good deed.
And now they're back. He dresses sort of normally, but she dresses a bit nicer than you'd expect for an office drone. Yesterday her tight top and fairly short skirt seemed to beg for attention. They sat with their heads together, and then, when no one was looking, the couple was gone.
They weren't too far gone, as they'd left stuff on the table, so we knew where they were. They were in the bathroom again.
We discussed in low whispers what we could do to learn about them. I suggested someone try the old ear to the glass to the wall trick to see if we could hear anything, but no one really wanted to be that guy.
Eventually she exited the bathroom and retrieved her stuff. She pulled on a jacket and left wearing a look that was difficult to read. Had she just been penetrated in our bathroom? Had she performed for him? We waited until he made his exit a few minutes after her. He had a whole other look about him, and he walked away with what I'd describe as a forced nonchalance.
I can't say for certain that they fuck in our bathroom. I sent a server in as soon as the man left, ordering the server to do smell check "for spunk." Yeah, I know that's nasty, but it made me laugh both then and now, so I'm sticking with it.
Apparently there was no spunk odor, and we still can't prove anything, but we'll still call them the "bathroom fuckers."
