derby prayer

Not a praying person, though I come close when I'm far into my cups and wishing I could just vomit it all back up and go to bed, I found myself writing the following prayer. The inspiration was one of those wink-wink racist Irish prayers that was all about drinking yourself stupid and not stubbing your dick too hard when you fell down in the street or something.

I forget now where I found the "Irish prayer," though Myspace comes to mind for some reason. Because life is 24-7 roller derby, I immediately related it to the derby, and my wee widdle brain tossed this one off.

a derby prayer

may your blockers always hit hard
your pivot not get too damn far ahead of the pack
and your jammer always have an open track before her

You read it here first, unless someone else has written one, in which case I'm sure theirs is better. Being a dude and all, I kind of feel like a chump even bothering. I'm afraid I'll end up the guy that's trying too hard to be cool.

Either way, a hundred years from now when football has finally fallen to the side, when soccer and roller derby take their rightful place as the two greatest sports ever, this prayer will be shouted aloud. At after parties in local bars the world over, the clink of the bottle, the cloche de l'amitie, and the rousing shout of my derby prayer will ring loud and strong.