Thursday, December 29, 2005

some gifts that stood out

This is not to demean the gifts given, the givers or anyone else. I love my family and appreciate the thoughts behind the gifts. I can't pretend that I always buy the best gifts, though I'd like to think I am good at getting people stuff.
So why do these gifts stand out? They all have their own interesting facets, but these three were especially notable for the reasons listed.
Lets start with the coffee. When I say I am a coffee snob, this is not intended to indicate that I like small cans of flavored coffee from the WalMart "gifts for people you haven't taken the time to know" section. Having said that, I will flavor my own coffee if I want to, but I still appreciate that, knowing I like coffee, someone got me something they thought I'd like. However, the only reason I didn't send it home with Grandma is because I hadn't written this humorous blog yet. After reading, you may decide that I still haven't written a humorous blog.
The only corporate name on the coffee is Zavida. The ingredients are listed as "100% Arabic coffee, natural and artificial flavors. No sugar added. Does not contain any nut products."
So far all of that sounds good. It's Arabica as opposed to the lesser quality Robusto. There are neither sugar nor nut products. So allergy issues are placated. Of course, if there are no nut products, then how did they flavor the hazlenut vanilla and the amaretto almond?
Now for the next gift. Momma and I are both cooks, but I'm the cookbook junky. I do use my cookbooks, or at least I use two or three of the nearly fifty. The newest one is good old Jamie Oliver. I've never really liked that guy. He does bring a little gayness out of me, making me want to be his wife so long as my own wife doesn't find out. The cook book has maybe one recipe for every seventeen pictures of JO's faggoty haired ass. Comb your hair you dink! They have combs in the UK?
Anyway, the food pics are really beautiful, as you would expect. This is one cookbook that I may not use much, and I kind of feel for whoever bought it for us. I appreciate the thoughts, but it won't be nearly as useful as the giver hoped.
Last gift to wonder about:
City Kidz die cast free wheel racer. What does that mean? Basically dollar store knockoffs of Hot Wheels. I'm not so brand concious that I care, and they belong to the boys, so as long as they like them, I don't care. That isn't at all the point.
The cars were produced in China and imported by a Canadian company. Most of Canada is English speaking, so the messages on the cars aren't their fault. I have to wonder though how the Chinese company making/painting these cars came up with the slogans to print on them. They look like typical Nascar style race cars. Then when you look closely you start to wonder. So here I will list the things printed on these cars.
On the yellow car:
Extra! Extra!
53 Spain
Two Way Power
Ka Boom
Good Boy
New Recovery

On the black car:
Pall Grace (this is the name of the driver I'm guessing)
Wheaton College
Correction Unit
High Class
Corper Team

On the red car:
First Aid
Cusyom Built
Condos that

Any misspellings or unclear words are copied directly from the cars. I honestly don't know what to think. I do wonder if the American version of toys for import to China have equally odd phrasings that leave Chinese parents scratching their heads as they hand the toy of to their child. From reading through them, several words seem as if a Chinese person heard the English words and used them. Maybe these are words that came up most often in some sort of Google search and got a bit tangled in translation.
Those are the stand outs. There are always some odd gifts. It is Christmas after all. The odd nature of the gifts in no way compromises the love I feel for my family and my inlaws. I appreciate them for more than their gift buying savvy, so please understand that these are not complaints.

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