Friday, March 17, 2006

it isn't okay

Some people try to draw a line between spanking and beating. As far as I'm concerned, spanking is just an orderly beating. Spanking is about control and is not something that will help our kids.

I grew up being spanked. I don't know if it was of a Pearl mandated variety, but I don't doubt it was too far off the mark. In addition, I attended a small school that allowed corporal punishment most of the years that I attended. I received my share of spankings.

I have spanked my own kids in the past. It's not something I'm proud of. I really hate that I allowed that to become something I would do as a parent. But it is indicative of the power of spanking. Spanking breeds from one generation to the next.

When people spank and otherwise abuse their children, they are not loving them. What lesson is so important that someone feels the need to beat their children with a length of plumbing pipe in order to teach those children? What lesson is more important than assuring your children that you will love and support them?

Certain spanking advocates advise their sheep to maintain a supply of abuse tools and to distribute them about the house and in the car. Leave the instrument of abuse where the child is constantly reminded of the pain and degradation the parent will throw at them should they step out of line. Be sure that your preferred instrument of abuse is always within arms reach in order to train your child whenever he or she deserves a beating. Apparently you can best train children through fear, intimidation and pain.

Healthy parent child relationships cannot be forced. They can certainly be beaten out of children. Or the children can learn that the love and the relationship are completely dependant on following an extremely strict set of rules and code of conduct. Failure to comply will result in pain, true physical pain and debasement.

I've seen how many people turn out from a childhood of abuse. I know how I turned out. I'm one of the ones that eventually came to expect a certain number of spankings. I hated them, but I learned how to shrug them off. I learned to not give a shit. Some of us grow up to need that abuse because some of learn that all relationships of love also involve the meting out of physical pain. Some of us learn that we manifest our love through our offering of abusive coercion. Some of us build up walls and retreat into a place free of both pain and reality. Some of us one day crawl away from all that and resolve to do better.

I'm trying to do better. I know two little boys who deserve a hell of a lot better. And if I can't train them to be good men without resorting to violence, then I don't deserve those two boys. Anyone who thinks spanking is okay should not have children.

Here's a link to an organization that wants to do some good in this matter. It isn't a pretty sight, but the truth is often very ugly. If there is a word for amazed and disgusted, that's how I feel when reading this. That's how I feel whenever someone tries to discern between beating and spanking.


Almost Lazarus said...

Dude, great post. I will post my own as soon as my blog is back up, but I am adding a speil about a boycott of, The Old Schoolhouse, and any message board, blog, or website that links to any blog on homeschoolblogger, The Old Schoolhouse, The Pearls. With me? Edit! The more blogs with the same keywords, the bigger impact it will make.

M__ said...

Thanks for the unschooling link. I plan to go through that site tonight. It looks very helpful.