Friday, September 28, 2007


In the comments to the Roses are red post, Ron, the originator of the theme, explains his discomfort with my subject matter as well as offering this final bit of advice.

Now give me your damn recipe for Jamaican Jerk Ribs or I’m go’in Bobby Flay on ya

Perhaps Ron hasn't read far enough into the archives, but I have mentioned Bobby Flay on at least one occasion, and anyone who remembers that will also remember that I think Bobby Flay is a talentless hack. I'm sure he's made up a recipe or two, but his new show Throwdown is a perfect example of his inabilities.

The most recent episode, watched only because of the darling older ladies and pie, saw Flay once again swoop into some small town where the dupes have been lied to about the true nature of the show. Along comes Bobby, having tested and most likely reverse engineered the competition's pie as well as having visited another pie maker on his own to replace a life time of learned skills with a five minute crash course in letting someone else do it. Bobby of course rolls into town and surprises the ladies with the fact that they are not actually going to be in a Food Network show about them and their pies. Nope, it was all a ruse to get them to accept his challenge.

Of course Bobby wins, his smug punchable face so happy to have bested a pair of seniors. I hate Bobby Flay.

Also, I'm not sure if I have a Jamaican jerk rib recipe. I could make something up, and the idea may actually nestle and ferment in my brain and force me to quit being a lazy cook. I've spent some small amount of time thinking jerk thoughts through the day as I've wondered about this. I've googled it, looked at the page at Wikipedia and even consulted the Food Lover's Companion. I really could stand to fix the grill and play with some hunks of meat before the cold forces my pussy ass back inside for the winter.

Quite honestly, my experience with jerk has been entirely (not the good kind of) restaurant cooking. I've worked with large jars of jerk seasoning that we trusted the company who made the spice mixes to have gotten right as well as placing that same trust in the people who made the marinade and sold it in five gallon jugs.

Jerk was developed in the Caribbean islands as a way to flavor and preserve meat in the hot climate. Originally it was dried and was similar to preparations any number of cultures have conceived. The difference was in the particular island flavorings, another story in the new world food saga. What we could come up with now can be completely open to some amount of interpretation because I'm not willing to make jerky out of ribs, but I do love ribs and cooking them.

Perhaps what really needs to happen is I figure out a spice mix I like and post it. Ron can then try it and damn it for not being hot enough. I'll counter that my kids are delicate and tender and tell him to add some rooster sauce. That will start the feud that eventually leads to both our demise in a sort of Rocky and Apollo double knock out.

Stay tuned.


trish said...

I won't debate Bobby's recent show - it sounds terrible, and it's causing me to have serious doubts about him.. But I will say this: Mesa Grill is perhaps the best restaurant I've ever had the pleasure of eating at. I think my husband would probably agree with me, as we've eaten there 3 times, if I remember correctly. Yummmmm.

Daryl Cobranchi said...

Rooster sauce? I'd never heard of it so I looked it up in Wikipedia. 2000 Scoville units!? Wimpy, wimpy, wimpy.

Try some Endorphin Rush sometime. Sweet and insanely hot. Or if you eally don't care about ever tasting anything again, Dave's Reserve rates a 500,000. I have some of this one from the 1995 vintage. I still can only use a couple drops at a time.