Monday, March 17, 2008

holidays are bull shit

This started out as a Myspace bulletin. I cross posted it here because I loved it and want everyone to read. This note is for the couple of people that may read my crap both here and there. So . . .

To whom it may concern:

I'm tired of all these "christian" celebrations masquerading as holidays.

I do not give a shit about St. Valentine, and I doubt his life's work involved funneling even more money into the butchers in charge of the majority of diamond procurement/production that exists in the world. Look into blood diamonds and see if they're still as pretty.

St. Patrick may have been a drunk, but I sort of doubt it. I'm a drunk and have neither doubts nor qualms about it. I also don't think that he was really the guy who got rid of all the snakes in Ireland, as I don't really think they ever had a huge snake problem. Green beer sucks, and if you're beer is so nasty that adding green doesn't bother you, then maybe you suck too.

Easter, I don't even know where to start with this one. This was once a non christian celebration of spring. As is its want, the Catholic church co-opted the day and painted some religious overtones on it so that they could count the heathens among the saved and steal their gold when they were too busy collecting eggs to notice. If I celebrate spring it will be by enjoying the warm days and long nights, and it will hopefully involve drinking a beer on the patio at the Urban Bar.

Christmas was also co-opted by the church to celebrate the birth of baby Jebus. This time the heathens were too busy outspending each other at Wal Mart to notice the gold theft, but the end result is the same.

I could go on. All our holidays are shams, and if they ever did mean anything, they now only serve to increase the income of our corporate overlords. You aren't really celebrating anything recognizable as worthy of celebration, but you are helping the rich get richer. If you're okay with that, then fine, but just understand if you try to pinch me for not wearing green that I might smash your lips against your teeth. I'm not Catholic or Irish (I might be a tiny bit Irish in a DNA sort of way) and I don't celebrate religious holidays.

I have no religion, therefore religious celebrations would make me a lying hypocrite. Please respect that, and look at your own beliefs, and ask yourself what you're really celebrating. If it's just an excuse to get drunk, then perhaps you should recognize and celebrate that you're a drunk. I'll be right there with you, not lying about the fact that I drink, not needing an excuse to tilt the pint.


Christine said...

Geez, Sam, you sound bitter. Any excuse to indulge in chocolate or beer makes me all for holidays.

JJ Ross said...

I'm perfectly willing to appropriate a holiday for my own shameless heathen enjoyment! Lotta cultural truth bolstering that bitterness though, imo.

Even family birthdays and anniversaries aren't "traditionally" celebrated around here, but we do engage with parts of (religious or otherwise) special days that somehow catch our fancy or coincide with some cash, one year or another.

For the past two or three years we've personally been led by the kids into St. Patrick's Day social events (not drinking games!)

At the same time on the larger cultural level, I tend to be almost as bitter as Sam. . .and since Easter looms next, I should probably dust off this rant in my "spring cleaning":
"Teaching What’s “Very Important” About Easter Holiday"

audrey said...

I use xian holidays as an excuse to have wicked pagan sex. I also use pagan holidays as an excuse to have wicked pagan sex.

Hmm.. actually maybe I use pretty much any day as an excuse ...

Oh, and I'm downright evangelical about it, too. ;-)

Kim said...

Well, er (hiding easter eggs behind back). Hope you enjoy this fine Sunday.

I do get your point actually. But some part of most humans gets comfort from rituals I think. If your ritual side is satisfied elsewhere that's cool by me. No pressure for you to conform. I personally enjoy the beer ritual as well as the holiday ones. As long as there is no stress connected to either.