Thursday, June 12, 2008

mouth meet soap

Be warned now that at some point while reading this there is some fair amount of chance that you will read something that you can never unread. I'm not saying, you know, I'm just saying.

I really just want right now to share with you the the horrible thing I said today. It isn't the most horrible thing that I said today, a day filled, it seems, with me saying horrible things. The most horrible thing was an extremely horrid yet funny joke involving a minor shaking hands with a good friend for a long time. It finds less notoriety than the other horrible thing I said solely because of the volume at which each were said relative to time and place. The horrible joke was only told to a few people, and if you want to know, ask in the comments and I might share. The other horrible thing had more audience than I intended.

One of the servers who worked lunch today actually approached the window within a couple minutes of the horrible thing I said and pointed out that perhaps my voice carries farther than I realize. Sadly, my voice does in fact carry, and I've know this since getting in trouble during church youth groups type activities when I never failed to get caught saying whatever horrible thing I said.

As a bit of a side note, I decided to learn how to say, "Hago las cosas que hacen que grita el bebé Jesús," a thing that some may consider horrible, after a Mexican coworker asked me if I went to church. I'm sure the news has gotten to her, though I can't be certain, concerning my interest in the fairer(as far as I'm concerned) sex and that was my immediate response, but I only know the English, having waited till just now to go to Babel Fish and get it translated. I add this only as a blatant attempt to raise my horrible-things-said score.

As we re-approach the main story I have to introduce you to Gruff. He's typical kitchen if not a little more punk than most. Our families have a little something in common though a different parent turned out to be the gay in their situation, and their outcome was somewhat different. I love working the line with him because he's great to talk shit to. He's a regular kitchen type, perhaps a little more punk than most. We say some crazy/stupid shit to each other.

Basically I told Gruff that I was going to rip his head off and douche my ass with the blood that gushed out of his neck.

And we were both on the line directly in front of the window looking out onto the dining room.

And my voice carries farther than I sometimes remember. Or maybe I'm just not bright enough to figure it out.

5 comments:

trish said...

That comment wasn't *that* bad! I was imagining something much worse. Of course, I've got a pretty bad mouth myself, so maybe I'm not a good judge.

Michele said...

I don't know how to say this without coming off unfriendly, and that's certainly not my goal, but I can't help myself here.

If you can joke around about making a high colonic out of your friend's carotid arteries, and in the same post go out of your way to make sure your Mexican co worker knows how much you love to make the baby Jesus cry, why can a server not drop a tray of glasses and at the height of fury, and demand to know in your presence what faggot ass shit he slipped in?

Sue Doe-Nim said...

pfft.

Southerners.

Everyone knows it's "I'm going to rip your head off and take a shit down your neck"

Duh.

Ren said...

Because it's ok to joke about stuff people choose in my opinion...not ok to use derogatory terms about what they're born with.

I can bet that the friend to whom the head-ripping joke was told was perfectly ok with it but the fact that it went to an unintended audience was the problem. Am I wrong?

I will say some pretty rough things at times, but it's still not cool to use the terms "faggot" or "nigger". Ever. It's one thing to joke, it's another thing entirely to use terms that are hateful about something a person simply IS.

Just like the whole "that's gay" thing. Can you replace the word with anything other than a negative when it's used that way? Ever? No. So it isn't cool.

Just my .02.

skullface said...

Though we do have a good bi friend who will use "we're so gay" to describe her and her friends when we're feeling all lovey-dovey. Or she'll say "I'm so gay for Japan" (she loves all things Japanese). She only ever uses the term positively, which I think is kinda cool.