I hate that I feel I need someone. I want to be able to be me for a while, to figure out what I'm doing and what I want to be doing.
The idea of a relationship feels like a life raft, except that if I'd just try, I could swim to shore, though it might take some work.
Instead, I just seem to keep trying to find a boat to climb into, and I never even make it to shore.
I could have already been there, could already have found my way, but I just keep not.
p.s. the "boat to climb into" phrase is in no way intended as a sexual reference, though upon my edit reading I've made myself giggle a little.
p.p.s. even after reasoning it out and making actual sense of my mental nonsense I still want to be his boyfriend, even if just for a little while