Sunday, February 13, 2011

not my job

Some amount of conversation happened at work tonight between me and a coworker, and part of it involved me reminding him that I'm not into girls.  It wasn't so matter of fact as that, and I really don't remember any of what was said other than me using the phrase, "if I was into girls . . ."

Part of his answer involved him saying, "I know; you tell us every chance you get."

I don't know that I do the thing he said, but I won't pretend that I don't.  The thing is that I don't feel that I'm reminding people "every chance I get" as much as I'm just not playing any games or pretending anything.  To me, being out is more than just letting people know that we're gay.

To me being out means that I'm myself.  If my not gay friends are willing to notice and/or comment on the attractive women around then they need to accept that I'm going to mention and/or notice the guys I think are hot. 

Okay, on some level I am aware that I'm messing with them.  I get that it's not something they're used to.  I know way more people who are not gay than people who are.  It's merely a matter of fact.  It's how it is.  And I would wager that the vast majority of people as a general rule know far fewer homos than not. 

While sometimes I do set out to shock and to fuck with people, for the most part I'm just not willing to not shock and/or fuck with.  I'm not going to go out of my way to help keep their life squick free.  And for what it's worth, I do love telling people to "fuck your hetero normative bullshit!"

I should probably also admit that I can sometimes be the guy that turns too much into a euphemism, and of course mine are all totally gay.  I can throw some not gay euphemisms out there, but most of the time they too disturb the not gays.  Sadly, my ability to make things into a euphemism has become sort of it's own inside joke.  I think maybe I should do something about it, but it almost always makes somebody laugh, so I'll probably just keep going for the easy ones.

So, do I let everyone know every chance I get? or do I just keep it real?  Do I sometimes take things too far? or am I just being myself?

I probably should answer the one that means I need to think before I speak, but that would apply to my life in general.  I seldom stop to stanch the flow with forethought, and it's failed me just fine up till now.  I can't imagine doing something differently just because it makes sense to try a new direction.

And even if one day I do reach a point and finally start to ruminate a bit on my thoughts before verbalizing them, I'll still make sure you know. 

No comments: