Saturday, January 27, 2007

blunk drogging

I don't give a shit. I'm having another beer. My feet and my fingers are cold from having just recently been outside enjoying a cigarette.

Here is where I add my own two cents to the drunken mommy thing. If you don't know what this is about, then just go where I heard about it, Zero Boss. Apparently, some moms are starting a huge trend where they have a drink with friends while their children play. Also, it's bad for parents to drink alcohol if their kids are alive, or so the bitch from The View would have us believe.

What I'd like to say is different from what I really mean to say, or damn you all who think I can't parent drunk. I'll parent your fucking ass off, beer in one hand and cigarette in the other. I will parent so well that your parents will come out of their graves to compare your lacking ass style to mine in a derogatory fashion. This is an example of what I'd like to say.

Okay, I'm not a mommy, but as my children's primary ignorer, I get to see them every waking hour. I love them very much and am more than willing to sacrifice for them. I'm also a grown ass man, if not because of the whole age thing then because I've sired offspring and have an associates degree or something. Either way, I'm a seasoned drinker of alcoholic beverages, a caring father and if I want to have a beverage I'm damn well going to.

For what it's worth, Americans are really hung up about too much shit. I'm sure I've got my own hang ups, though I try to be cool. A lot of our issues have to do with people's ideas of what is and isn't moral, and they don't accept gray areas. Drinking is equal to drunk is a big one in that we view every person who drinks as basically drunk the moment they take the first sip.

Finally, people were having kids before they started drinking alcohol. But think of how many drinks kids have caused since we figured out the ancient secrets of extracting soul restoring alcohol from our grains and grapes. But for this palliative, how many parents would have been lost to a screaming void of incoherency and no return due entirely to the spawn they should rightly have devoured at birth?

4 comments:

Chris said...

Without alcohol, many people would never have become parents in the first place. And not just in the got drunk ended up pregnant vein either. Alcohol is the social lubricant that allows many of those initial conversations to start that ultimately lead to long term relationships and kids.

Housewife said...

Shhhhhh.... don't tell.

Sometimes we even let our children.... OhMyGoodnessICan'tBelieveI'mGoingToRevealThis.....

WATCH TV SO WE CAN MAKE DINNER.

Can you imagine?

Sometimes we even invite another mother over and let the kids watch TV together and we don't pay attention to them for 50 or more minutes at a time.

But somehow they've survived.

I'll need to read about that more.

Who gives a shit if someone opens a bottle of wine?

Oh, wait... I do know who cares.

Does anyone with a brain care?

kimzyn said...

Yeah. Americans hung up on stuff. You go parent, parent your drunken ass off every night like you just don't care!Whoot,whoot.

I want to know where I can find these girlfriends who want mid-day appertifs?!

Kixque said...

The next potluck should have a category for "whose bringing what beverage."