I hope everyone so inclined enjoyed talking like a pirate all day today. I for one did not participate as I really dislike the popularization and consequent pussy-ifying of pirates. Pirates, as I may have said before, were not cuddly or sweet. They might have been funny, but they certainly didn't walk around wearing totally rondo hats with cartoon jolly rogers.
So, in honor of the true beauty of the piratical world, join with me in some real celebrations of pirate life. Tomorrow I decree it to be slash throats and drown the women like a pirate day. The day following will be eat wormy stale bread and drink rum because there's no fresh water day. In honor of the navies of the world we will finish all of this off with sprinkle the decks with caltrops and shards of broken glass like the royal navy day.
So sharpen your swords me hearts and let the black gods that wait to welcome us all hear your shouts. It's the end of a rope for us all should we make it back alive and our eyes for the crow's belly.