exploration, coming out, the closet, food and cooking, music, stuff about kids/being a parent, hungry anacondas ravaging the bun fields of southern Florida
Thursday, December 21, 2006
math talk
Me: You mean next year? You know, this year is almost over.
Big Brother: How many more days?
Me: There's thirty one days in December? and today's the twenty first, so ten more days.
Big Brother: How many days are in a year?
Me: Three hundred sixty five.
Big Brother, after thinking for a brief moment: So three hundred fifty five days have already passed this year.
We don't really teach math around here, though we do talk about it when it comes up. And this kid has never been to a school math class. If Momma catches me posting at this point, this moment in time, she'll have my ass, so . . .
ack! shopping!
I'm not so sure how I feel about Christmas shopping. If I had the good sense throughout the year to stockpile great items, I'd be really happy, knowing that I wasn't going to be one of those hapless fools rushing around with less than a week to go. I actually know one or two people who do this when they can. I've gotten some great gifts from people who happened to find something in July that they thought I'd like and held onto to it.
I wish I did that, but I don't. Much of our shopping is complete, though I have yet to finish thinking of something for Momma, and we are going tomorrow night to finish up our own shopping for the E.TN family. GA side isn't doing Christmas till January, so we have the post-pre holiday lull to do that.
And there is still Momma to think about. The boys have a gift for her already, which was easy to decide on. I'm still thinking, and I've got tomorrow basically. What to do?
Oh, and cooking. We have plenty of random cooking to get done at some point. There was talk of a grocery list and even a schedule. I need to decide what I'm going to bake in addition deciding when to make the seasonal pralines. Maybe this will be the year that I make them right. I won't mention the kitchen and the cleaning I was supposed to have done, but taking time with tonight's beef stew and biscuits paid off.
Tuesday, December 19, 2006
random bookery
I'm always amused by Big Brother's reading choices. He may well be in the middle of a much longer book, currently rereading Eragon, but he will still often choose shorter books to read at the table. He will also often choose books that one might think him a bit old for considering what he has read.
Tonight we have a great selection. In addition to the dragon book, we have a book based on the board game Clue, Revenge of the Mummy. We also have a version of Puss in Boots that one would guess more likely to be his younger brother, but he always did like this story. We have two DK books that came with Chic-fil-A kid's meals, Children of the Americas and Kid's Florida. The last two books I'll mention are a Pokemon book and Zin! Zin! Zin! a Violin.
There are more random titles I haven't mentioned. There are two Thomas the Tank Engine books that could be from either of the boys. There's also a book about Tony Hawk that I seem to remember The Boy asking about, so I think it's his this time.
My unamusing end to all this is that I get to put the books away. It seems only a short time ago that I fixed the shelves, dragging all the books out of their room as well as from the rest of the house, sorted through all the books and put them all in a sort of order. It was only the little kids books and the kid's nonfiction really. Most chapter books and more grown up books share other shelf space, and they are in need of both straightening and unburdening, but a new book case isn't quite in the works, and there's so much other crap I should (but don't) do first.
It is much easier to sit here with a lap full of books and blog about books that to do anything with books. Knowing I have to go back through and italicate all those book names isn't helping either. I hate highlighting and clicking.
Finally, as I read and edit this poor dumb thing, I can't help but think this all feels a bit too familiar, as if I've written this before. Perhaps I have.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
un-resolute
As many of us, I've toyed with the idea in past years, thinking of those bad habits I would resolve to give up. I will say that, knowing myself too well, I've never actually made any resolutions, so I can honestly claim that I've never failed to live up to those desires. Accentuation of the positive extraction from a basically negative situation is further proof of my own cynicism than of any optimistic nature I'd prefer to pretend was the choice.
I've actually been considering seriously the entire concept of new year's resolutions, though I don't see myself making a list of things I'll immediately begin with the beginning of 2007. I'm thinking of a list of goals for myself to work toward over the course of the year.
I could easily list a number of bad habits that I could stand to make a break from, but I know that I don't work that way. What I've been missing for too long is that I need to make a point of developing good habits. Mostly, I need to begin to make better use of my time.
My default lately has been the computer, and I spend more time reacting to the kids and other household situations than is really good. I've neglected cleaning, which I don't really enjoy, to a point where we end up cleaning, not by putting things away, but by putting them in the most recent place they've been for too long that's out of the way until I really put it up, at which point I should mention, as an example, the box of tapes I mentioned so long ago. It's still where it don't go.
Many resolutions seem to focus on those bad habits we tend to pick up. I could certainly think along those lines and assume I'm doing some good. I've talked to two friends lately who insist they will quit smoking, and I wish them the best of luck. I won't be going this route, though I certainly could and perhaps even ought too. I am thinking less about losing bad habits instead developing good ones.
With the new year less than two weeks away, I plan to keep in mind all those things I do that dissatisfy me. I feel I miss a lot of opportunities, and I feel I can see where I'm at fault, though too often, in the moment, I don't really allow myself to recognize what I'm doing. I'm a terrible procrastinator, certain that I'll do these things in just a little bit, though too often, the things I do accomplish are hastily thrown about at the last minute.
real reason

Just had to share this in this hectic season of celebratory feelingness.
Hat tip to that crazy PZ Myers.
stupid mega blocks
As anyone can understand, Legos and building with them, certainly have some limits as to what you can do. Lego has certainly introduced a huge variety of sets, pieces and even motors. So the possibilities themselves are limited mostly to things that are not physically impossible. As an example, we can look at a tower.
If you stick one Lego to another enough times, you can build a very large tower. Eventually it will get to a point that it is too tall. It can no longer physically support itself. A tower designed well can reach much higher than a poorly constructed one. We could also build a house with stacks of bricks for the walls, but if we use a mortar to hold the bricks together, and if we stagger the bricks and interlace them, the walls will be much stronger. It's all about design.
We can do this sort of thing with Legos because they are well made. They work well together. This is where we get to the Mega Blocks which just plain suck.
The Mega Blocks are nearly exactly like the Legos to look at. The people are constructed very differently, given more features than the average blocky Lego person. A lot of the MB pieces are designed to serve a specific place in the set. We have two, Power Rangers and pirates. They are fairly interchangeable with the Legos to the point where we've combined them all in the same tubs. One major difference is the walls that MB include. They are designed to fit onto the base and to be stackable. These pieces are really cool allowing some interesting structures.
The MB pieces are different as soon as you touch them. The plastic is even different, somehow seeming harder or more brittle than that used in Legos. Next, you're going to try to build with the Mega Blocks and you'll notice immediately that they don't quite stick together. They don't want to connect with each other and once connected don't want to stay. They are very frustrating for anyone to build with because of this.
Using both types of blocks, I've watched the boys build some interesting places. They don't care that they are two different brands because for the most part, they really do fit well together. The MB, for all the frustration when they won't stick, do eventually stick, mostly, though they create more frustration than any toy should. Frustration with toys can give us a chance to remind our kids to try a different direction. There is a difference in the frustration from needing to try something different and the frustration from poorly designed toys.
I can handle reminding Big Brother that he might try something different. But I hate reminding him, "Try not to get so frustrated. It's not you that can't build, it's that the Mega Blocks just suck. You know it's hard to make them stick sometimes, so maybe try something different."
To which he replies, "Stupid Mega Blocks."
Saturday, December 16, 2006
that four things thing
Jobs I've Had
1.I was a security guard for almost three years. I quit thinking I was joining the navy after my nine month delayed entry program ran out. The summer preceding this was the summer I first did drugs and eventually started drinking.
2. I worked in the stockroom of a mall furniture store. This was my second real job, and in many ways, it should have been more eye opening than it was. I met my first real live gay that I knew was gay, and I never told my parents, and eventually this person, my boss, forced me to rethink things I'd been taught. Several years later I cried when I saw him at a pride parade because I got to apologize for some things I'd said in ignorance.
3. I spent a summer halfway across the country working as a junior counselor at a christian camp. This was the trip that made me fall in love with the west moreso than all the Louis L'Amour books ever. Sixteen years old and this was the first place I remember seeing that was so open that you could see the shadow of the clouds on the ground. This is what I did between my first and second real jobs.
4. Restaurant-the majority of experience I have is the restaurant. My first real job, the one that bought my ticket to fly west was bussing tables at a steakhouse in the same mall I'd later work at in the furniture store. Little did I know at this time that I was so soon going to find that this first job may well have cursed me. I may not currently be employed, but I know when I return, it will be to her shadowy embrace, the restaurant, the most beautiful and hateful beast, that destroyer of dreams and hope, that breeder of hell.
Movies I Could Watch Over and Over
1. We'll start with Thomas videos. I don't mean the obnoxious movie where Diesel 10 is trying to get all the steamies. I mean the videos that we rent from the library based mostly on the original stories. I'd never have thought so, but when The Boy asks to watch them, I'm as likely as not to watch and enjoy.
2. I'm a sucker for Kevin Smith's films, so I'd list his catalog here. If you have to ask, then either don't bother or go to IMDB.
3. I'd list, as a top choice, regardless of order here, would be the entire catalog of Hayao Miyazaki. I've never seen a movie of his that I didn't love. My Neighbor Totoro is one most people have seen, but he's made so many great movies, and he writes movies that appeal to both kids and adults without having to hide stuff where the appropriate audience will find it.
4. Nothing is coming to mind for another single movie. I don't tend to spend a lot of time watching movies, so I'd generally rather see something I haven't given the choice. I can think of a number of movies I'd be willing to watch a second time, but I'm always a little afraid I might waste prime movie time if I don't see something new. It's a bit of a hang up maybe, or maybe it's proof that I don't prioritize as well as I might.
Television
1. Anything UFC or boxing and sometimes karate on ESPN Classic. I miss getting to watch boxing, and I hate that good fighting sports are all pay per view. I've mentioned in this blog before that I don't pay per view for the most part. I'm already paying too much money to watch television, and I'm not sure I'm not getting screwed. But when I can watch UFC for free, and especially the reality show, I will.
2. Family Guy is a definite favorite. However, my Sunday night schedule ends up making me miss the new episodes, so I see it when I can. I need to get the family a fucking Tivo for Givemas, Chriswanzakuh, or whatever the hell it is.
3. Miami Ink-as much as I love this show, it just ends up making me want a new fucking tattoo. I'm tired of waiting. Now I just need a couple of bucks and the right idea.
4. Fullmetal Alchemist-You need to check this show out. What happens in a universe where science and alchemy are one and the same when two young brothers attempt to bring their mother back to life? One loses his life, and his brother gives, literally, an arm and a leg to regain his brother's soul which he attaches to an ancient suit of armor. Older brother ends up with cybernetic arm and leg, and they both have great powers to perform alchemy. Reading that, well just watch it. Check your local listings. I love anime!
Places I've Been
1. Wyoming, the location of the not real job between jobs number one and two. I really want to get back out west for a visit. I imagine I'll die in the south, but that there Wyoming is awful pretty. The lightning will about make you shit yourself.
2. Snake River-The summer in Wyoming was capped off with a short rafting trip down the Snake. That was a hell of a ride.
3. You might be starting to wonder, but I'm not the most well travelled son of a bitch around. The farthest reaches of my travels extend in a rough rectangle from Florida west to the Texas/Colorado are, north from there to the Dakota brothers, back east to Pennsylvania and back. I grew up in Atlanta, the majority of those years being spent there. I have not visited every single state contained within the rectangle described above.
4. See number three
Favorite Foods
1. The bastards at Sunspot no longer make them, so consider this an ode. I still crave their portobella fries. Imagine sliced portobella mushrooms battered lightly with a tempura batter and fried and served with a red pepper aioli. The rest of their food is good, but fuck them for taking these off the menu.
2. Tomato Head sandwich at the Tomato Head restaurant. You really ought to just swing by for a visit and come have one.
3. Mojito
4. Biscuits and sausage gravy. We make a great one though Momma and I might actually come to blows one day over whose is better. Okay, we won't, but language might flow.
Websites I Visit Every Day
1. My family board, the link to which you aren't getting.
2. Like Kixque, I visit the Knoxviews, though I can't comment anymore without registering, and I just haven't felt like it yet. That feels like too much commitment or too much like commitment.
3. Not every day, but every time there's a new post, Waiter Rant. I'm going to feed this guy a bunch of soy, gay marry him, and open a hip urban restaurant.
4. I visit Science Blogs every day. I keep thinking I'm going to narrow the feed to those few writers there that I actually read, but I keep not doing that. I do have the good sense to get the feeds as headlines/excerpts, so I can wade through pretty quickly.
Friday, December 15, 2006
latest book
The real reason for my j fiction reading is that I insist on going to the downtown branch library in which the kid's section is most of the basement. It's pretty cool because the kids can get a little crazy and loud and not disturb any annoying grown ups. The librarians downstairs are usually great with the kids and not afraid to assert their authority if I or other parents don't catch our kids (I mean me, and I mean The Boy) in the middle of something uncool. At any of the smaller branches I could most likely peruse the grown up shelves and be within sight and/or hearing within a second or two. But I just love driving downtown and walking the two blocks.
This installment of j fiction-I-just-finished is about yet another Laurence Yep book, The Earth Dragon Awakes: the San Francisco Earthquake of 1906. Considering the trauma of the event on so many people, I hate to say I enjoyed it, but I did. I've loved so many of his books, though this is only the second of this type I've read. It's a very short book, based accurately on a historic event, though told to some extent through fictional characters.
The book tells the story of the earthquake both as it happened as well as through the eyes of two friends, the fictional characters as well as their families, struggling with the situation. One is a white American while the other is his Chinese friend. Chin's father works for Henry's parents, and Chin and Henry have become best friends. The earthquake happens as Chin and his father are getting up and getting ready to go to work for Henry's family.
This book touches on so much that came up during this disaster. It's what I love about history without the boring school parts. It's a story of the time and the people as they would have been. The book presents situations that could only have happened in the San Francisco of the time, but they are situations driven by parts of human nature that exist regardless of time and place on top of the natural disaster.
Thursday, December 14, 2006
new word needed
I'm guessing we've all heard about the new theory by some nutsack at the World Net Daily claiming that an abundance of soy products in our diet is making our children gay. See, soy has estrogens and feminizing agents that make the boys go cock hungry. See, that's why Japan and China are so totally over run by the gays. I don't know how it's supposed to work on the girls. Maybe it makes them want to get pregnant a bunch of times and be princesses, but I suppose that those feminizing agents may actually be engayifying for both genders equally.
And here we come to the word that I need. I find myself laughing in disgust while laughing at the same time. No word that I currently have quite answers the occaision or the emotion.
Assuming that we are witnessing a major influx of the evil soy, I guess we are going to have a surge of gay children. After the generations past, the X's and the Y's and whatever else, will the next round of children, because of the soy dominance, be known as Generation Soy Gay? Are we all going to go gay and stop making American babies? Are we just trying to piss god off?
Wednesday, December 13, 2006
save the world
I heard the boys arguing about something, though I couldn't hear exactly what the issue was. I squirmed past the attic steps and made my way to the other end of the house to regulate and fix the problem.
We've gotten another load of Christmas decorations out, the reason Momma was half in the attic, this box containing the stuffed characters from the old Rudolph Christmas special as well as a large sleigh shaped basket. What I first see is two versions of Rudolph pulling the sleigh which was loaded with Charlie in the Box, Yukon Cornelius, the Abominable Snowman and a random Santa Claus. Much larger, obviously unrelated, Christmas Elmo seems to be swooping in from the sky in Big Brother's hand while The Boy stood crying and distressed.
I ask The Boy what's wrong, though it's Big Brother who answers, "I think he wants to save the world."
"Is that true?" I ask.
The Boy wails, "Yyyyyyyeeeeeeeeesssssssss."
"Can't you guys save the world together? Saving the world is one of those things that, once you get there, you might find that you need some help," I offer.
I don't know if that helped. I don't know if my aid came merely in giving them both a break from where they were. Either way, peace has been as restored as ever. Once more, the world has been saved, and I bet it's due to team effort more than any one of us acting alone.
Tuesday, December 12, 2006
just over a year ago
I'm not sure that I've done that, the getting to where I can write worth shit part, though I won't say I'm overly concerned either. The thing is, I was thinking recently that I was coming up on the year anniversary of this particular writing excursion. I even went into the dusty old archives and noticed the date, assuring myself that I had time. Like many post ideas that run screaming through my head, this one did. Unlike nearly every other one, this one came back.
Yeah, sometime last month, that one year anniversary came back too, though the idea to write it is here now, a little over three weeks late.
Upon rereading that first post, I see I spelled two words incorrectly. That's sort of one of my anal retentive things. I'm not sure where it came from, but misspelling bugs the everloving shit out of me. Would that I'd have thought of the spell check that cold November night that I jumped into this world of blog writery. I'm getting "everloving" and "writery" as misspelled, but "writery" is a word I just made up, and "everloving" is just going to have be misspelled. Fuck it. We say that where I come from.
Once again though, I'm sitting in the middle of unfinished chores. The boys are asleep. Momma is having a beer somewhere. I'm listening to Phyllis Dillon and having a beer. For my year anniversary, I'll introduce you to Phyllis Dillon. Hers is another sad story of immense fame in youth, beautiful woman, beautiful voice, yet she died with nothing. Hear the song that made me hunt her down in the first place, as a Christmas gift for Momma if I remember correctly, and go to Johnny Spencer's page to hear more.
If there ever was a one year celebratory post, this is one, though even that is higher praise than it rightly deserves. One of these days I'll move your ass to tears over some poignant little pile of friffery. You won't know what hit you. Until I'll just keep practicing and knowing that even the biggest anthill started out small.
Monday, December 11, 2006
again with the kids
At that moment, from The Boy, I hear, "Descend into chaos? Nnnnoooooo!"
the tree
We have one good place for the tree which is also the place we've chosen for our dining table the rest of the year. We have an oddly arranged house. There is no real room for a table in the kitchen, and there is no real dining area. We use the front window which is the less used half of the living room area. You'd really have to see our house to get it. The bedrooms, play room, bathroom and kitchen were once the entirety of our house. Momma's grandfather built an addition on the side to create the living room.
The addition is a cube, more square and slightly smaller than the original part of the house. One quarter of this space is the laundry room leaving a basical L shape for the living room. It's really an odd shape that leaves our prime dining table room as far away from the kitchen as is possible to get. We also have to move the dining table to make room for the tree. The moving of the table is a big part of our holiday tradition as is the wishing the table wasn't now stuck in the middle of the room.
The tree is up and lighted, and the ornaments await in their boxes, piled randomly behind me. Momma's schedule over the next couple of days and our need to finally do Christmas shopping may or may not effect the decorating. At some point tomorrow I know that the boys will start opening up the boxes of ornaments and that those ornaments will slowly make their way onto the tree. I know I didn't string the lights right, so I may have to add an extra string for the electric ornaments.
We've listened to Christmas music and have our tree up. I can't pretend this one isn't sneaking more quickly than the past few, but I also can't pretend we aren't always so ill prepared for the holiday. Any day now there will be a major influx of cheer like the foam that chases the cork out of the champagne bottle. For a moment I'll pretend that the whole peace and goodwill thing will finally this year come to pass, and I'll extend that with the timely viewing of a Christmas movie of some sort. Till then, I'll look at the pretty lights and throw the Elf soundtrack on one more time.
Sunday, December 10, 2006
do we have time?
According to the quiz I have fairly accurate gaydar. I accurately judged 16 out of 20 people for gaiety and scored better than 87% of other test takers.
I'm sure I'd love to test out my gaydar skills in real life, but Momma would want me to share anyone that showed up, and I say no to chics at the sausage fest.
Want to test your own ability to spot the gays? Well, get you click on.
me in a nutshell, "help, how'd I get in here?"
Clown- ESFP 80% Extraversion, 46% Intuition, 33% Thinking, 20% Judging |
Congratulations. You are the buffoon of society, the class clown, the general funny guy/gal. Your purpose on earth was to serve as entertainment for the rest of us sane ones. We're laughing with you and at you. Some people would kill to be as funny as you. Other would rather just kill you.
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| Link: The Brutally Honest Personality Test written by UltimateMaster on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test |
big kids
My first instinct as a parent has not always gotten me into great situations or prepared the way for great relationships with my boys. I can be a bit anal in that I'd too often rather do it myself to get it done more quickly and right, but doing for doesn't give kids any experience. Experience watching your dad do everything for you is technically a kind of experience, but it's not the learning from kind that I want for them.
So I shout down the voice in my head, the one that wants Big Brother to just be patient and let me do it in a minute. I tell him to go ahead and start working on it. He can fix what he wants. And that's a little scary because it further reinforces that there are so many things that he doesn't need me to do.
This isn't the first time Big Brother has fixed his lunch, though in the past it's been confined to the classic pb&j, the easiest sandwich ever. We have a nifty cheese cutter with no sharp edges, so that's not only easy for him but for all of us as well. Side items are easily taken care of with banana chips for The Boy and banana peppers for Big Brother. Oh, and since we are out of mayo and vegenaise, and because neither son likes mustard, they get ranch dressing as a sandwich spread today.
So my patience and allowing Big Brother has saved me having to fix lunch. I did wash the cheese cutter while he worked, and I cut the cellophane wrapper from the loaf of bread for him. I also poured some ranch into a small dish so that he wouldn't end up with a torrent of dressing from the bottle when a little spread was what he wanted.
All this is further proof of them growing. I have that torn between feeling so many parents get, wanting them to stay sweet, innocent little babies that we can easily forgive anything and everything versus knowing that they are inevitably growing, learning, becoming more and more able, having opinions and asserting themselves.
For the record, there certainly are plenty of growing up kinds of things that absolutely thrill me such as the fact that, seemingly suddenly, the diaper bag is not quite as necessary as it once was. If we are going to be out for a while, we carry it with some back up clothing, though we now refer to it as a just in case bag since there are no longer diapers in it.
Friday, December 08, 2006
a question
Seriously, it's a battle, and we all have to choose sides. Do you love baby Jesus or not?
Well it's time for his birthday, and baby birthdays are always the best. Everyone gets him little clothes and hats and toys and educational software. It's soooo sweet, and he's so darling, little baby Jesus.
But he wants to have a party, and some people think we shouldn't have a party for Jesus. Somebody's going down over this. They can't steal our Christmas and baby Jesus from us. We'll make them celebrate and party like they're supposed to, or baby Jesus will get totally mad at them.
So you better say Merry Christmas to everyone, or you hate baby Jesus.
Thursday, December 07, 2006
programming language thingy

Which Programming Language are You?
Wednesday, December 06, 2006
college prep toy
As homeschoolers, we find more and more that our children's path to college is not really different from their schooled friends. It's natural that we want to find ways to help this transition in the lives of those we've nurtured for so long. This nurturing and preparing so often seems to forget the nuances. We do forget the vagaries of youth as we age, as so much is different, especially for those of us schooled and raised in ways so completely foreign to what our children have been afforded. So as we prepare the children, don't forget the games. We can't very well play quarters for shots with our kids, but we want them to be able to maintain. Enter this gadget with its hand full of steel ball bearings which you bounce for points. Modeled after the popular game Skee Ball, but without the tickets and the crappy cheap toy that you trade those tickets for and with bouncing instead of rolling. Maybe your son or daughter didn't rack up the Skee Ball tickets, but you certainly don't want them racking up the tequila shots. They won't even know what they trained for till it's time to bust out the quarters and shot glasses. And as they learned at our sides how to bounce shiny things for points, they'll be saved the ruinous overindulgence in alcohol.
Tuesday, December 05, 2006
poor toes
We are supposed to be in the teens tonight, which is likely if it hasn't already happened. I'd wager that we're there. The time it takes to smoke just about froze me, and it doesn't take me long to get my pollute on.
I pretend each year that I appreciate the cold. It's part of the balance of nature or some such horse shit. If nothing else it kills the bugs off for a while, unless those bugs are those new killer yellow jackets they're breeding down in Georgia. But mostly it just seems like winter is a pretty raw deal for the most part.
I try to think thoughts of sweaters and girls in sweaters, and there's Christmas to look forward to. But then it just gets cold with nothing but spring and soccer to look forward to like a distant pinprick of light. If you want to make time stand still, there's a pretty valid candidate.
The worst of it all is the feet. If my feet would actually get warm between trips outside to smoke, I'd be in decent shape. If I quit smoking, I wouldn't have to go outside so often, and that whole health thing too, and I might be able to get my feet to warm up, but then I'd never go outside at all.

