Monday, February 27, 2006

nswtm

I am operating with most of a deck of cards. One of the aces is missing from my brain, so we had to use a Sharpie and write on one of the Jokers to replace the missing card. I'm working with a nswtm, or a not so well trained mind.

I don't own any cookbooks, so please, someone help me find the easiets and most basic of recipes. My ds12 has been thinking about girls lately. Can anyone tell me how to redirect his focus so that I will remain, not just his mother, but also his sole female companion? I don't want Satan to steal my babies pure heart.

I have pain in a part of me. Or I have some illness. It is very common and something we are all familiar with. Please line up to console/comfort me and tell me you will pray for slight cough.

Oh Gosh-a-mighty! Who left the doors open? Open minds might slip in and question things, the answers to which make us uncomfortable. Oh, please start praying that they will go away soon. I can't stand the glare from the open mind as the light of reason forces its way into my closed mind shell.

7 comments:

Almost Lazarus said...

I for one want to know the most intimate details of your life. Like, whether or not your Diva Cup fits.

Two Passes said...

You and your NSWTM need to get with the program -- what the heck are you doing playing cards? Don't you know you're supposed to be directing your children in thinking deep thoughts. Probably just as well that the jack is gone. He is clearly a minion of the devil.

Two Passes said...

Oh shit. I just realized you said an ace was missing. *That* is a clear sign of the devil. Sorry about the misunderstanding my UCWTM (uselessly cluttered well trained mind) is not functioning so well right now.

Almost Lazarus said...

dyan, you must now wear your diva cup as a dunce cap. I COMMAND YOU.

samuel said...

I have a diva bucket because I have a huge manly flow and my cramps can be felt next door.
We use the cards to teach the kids how evil they are, both cards and children.

Almost Lazarus said...

I have to wonder about anyone would announce on a message board that their hoo hoo was so sloppy after 6 kids that they couldn't use the diva cup. I've seen one - it's the diameter or a beer can.

Audrey said...

Diva should make a Forty, you know, like those big-ass 40 oz. cans of beer.

But, maybe that wouldn't help either.