Thursday, November 04, 2010

circles, always damn circles

How do you go about doing everything differently?  How do you look deep into yourself and accept finally that you are more often than not the reason you are not making any progress anywhere at all?

How do you decide what is an excuse and what is a reasonable concern?

How do you stop being that scared and confused little boy that you've always been in spite of all the shit you talked then and still talk now?

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing something.  Maybe it's a clue as to how to move to the next part, or maybe it's a part I need to figure out how to fix or replace.

I want to do all of the above, but it feels like every time I step outside I get hit by something, so I've begun to go outside a lot less, and being a nervous recluse doesn't seem to help me do much of anything.

There's more, something about bursting out, being reborn as a phoenix or something, but I just stared into space and nearly dozed off a moment ago, and I really do need to get to bed.  I've got a world of making sense of my world to do.

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